How many?

A couple of weeks ago, I had a talk with a friend about the number of kids that we would like to have.  This friend is due to have her first child (a boy!) in late September and I have my three month old Little Man.  I had Little Man about four weeks before my 30th birthday and my friend is in her early thirties (she and her husband have been married for a few years, but I’m not sure how many nor do I know any of the circumstances surrounding why they are pregnant now as opposed to earlier in their marriage).  

When she asked me how many kids I wanted to have, I replied, “Well, ideally, five.”  Her mouth pretty much dropped open.  “Really?!  Why?  You are the first person that I’ve ever heard to say more than two!”  

Honestly, I don’t really know why five seems like a good number.  I came from a family of four and I liked it.  Why not one more?  

But I had to be even a little more honest with her; I told her that I would take as many or as few as God would give me.  I’d be happy either way.  The small family that I have now makes me feel whole — complete in a way that I never really understood before having Little Man.  

I think it’s different when you have your faith to guide you.  By that I mean, I know that while there are some things that are technically in my control involving having kids, there are many, many other things that need to go just exactly right in order to conceive.  I think that when you can truly turn over everything to God and realize there is so much more out there that is bigger than you, it’s incredibly freeing. I don’t worry about all of the costs of children and where they would go to school, and whether or not we’d be able to go on vacations because I know that He has a plan for me and for our family. To some, this may sound naive, but I don’t think so. Faith isn’t stupidity; I’m not saying I’ll have children imprudently and not think about the financial consequences on our family. But, I’m not worried either.

God will provide and His will shall be done.

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